Whacko Jacko Whacked by Grim Reaper
Despite a post mortem finding that Michael Jackson died of natural causes, some members of his family have declared that they suspect foul play and believe a cover-up is in progress, and the LAPD still wants to interview Jacko's doctor. However, some sources are claiming the star might not be dead - that the whole furore is a result of mistaken identity. "When they carried out the autopsy the pathologists were amazed to find that the body wasn't even human - it was a chimp," says an excited Savoy. "It's all true - some guy who cleans the pool of one of the lab techs at the morgue has even got some photoshopped pictures of what it might have looked like!" Savoy's 'reliable sources' believe that Jackson may have switched places with the chimp as long ago as 2004, in an attempt to escape the bad publicity surrounding the court case in which he was acquitted of child molestation. "It would explain a lot of his weird behaviour in recent years - picking his ass in public, crapping all over the furniture and stuff," muses Savoy. "It would also explain why his doctor's only medical qualifications are in veterinary science!" He claims that, even now, the police are searching zoos and homes for retired chimps all over California, in the hope of finding Jackson. Despite their obvious credibility, Savoy's exclusives - aired on his eponymous blog - have been dismissed by fellow bottom-feeders. "It's all nonsense, this crap about apes and fatal ODs on kiddie porn," declares rival celebrity blogger Ronnie Quim. "Isn't it obvious what's happened? Jacko spent years establishing an alternative identity - his 'sister' LaToya. The 'LaToya' persona has now become the dominant personality! Nobody died - except that down and out he murdered to provide a fake corpse."