Misdiagnosis Petty Crime

Whilst having an enforced day off last week, waiting in for the plumber, I caught that legendary episode of Diagnosis Murder. You know the one - where Dr Sloan actually finds time to treat a patient in between solving murders for his son, the LAPD's laziest detective (why do any police work when you can get your old man to clear up all your outstanding cases?). I wouldn't mind, but it isn't as if Dr Sloane is even a pathologist, like Quincy. He's just a regular hospital doctor. I'm sure that, in reality, the hospital authorities at Community General would be taking some kind of disciplinary action against any doctor - no matter how senior - who seemed to spend most of their time investigating murders. I'm pretty sure they'd be in breach of their contract. But hey, I suppose things must be different in America, particularly California.

Since John H Watson MD (the 'crime doctor') we in the UK haven't had much of a tradition of crime-solving medics. Possibly because NHS doctors are so overworked they barely have time to see patients, let alone investigate murders. But I think that should change, and I have a suspicion that BBC might be about to redress the balance. I'm sure that, like me, you've noticed that Charlie Fairhead has been appearing less frequently in Casualty of late. I'm convinced that the beeb are poised to unveil their latest Casualty spin-off, Holby Eye, in which the venerable charge nurse sets up as a private eye and spends his days off fighting crime. Of course, being a British TV series and being set in 'Holby', a large city in the West Country which bears more than a passing resemblance to Bristol, rather than racy London, dangerous Manchester or violent Glasgow, Charlie won't be investigating many murders. I suspect that he'll spend most of his time on divorce cases (possibly involving his highly promiscuous colleagues from Holby City Hospital), climbing up ladders to get photographs of doctors committing adultery with social workers, and the like. Sure, they'd probably spice it up with the odd insurance fraud case (where Charlie can apply his medical knowledge to prove that a bad dose of the clap doesn't really count as a disability). When it comes to action, it would probably be confined to a scuffle in the car park with some old biddy who has been cheating at bingo. This could be a real winner for the daytime schedules and a natural successor to Diagnosis Murder (which the BBC must have now repeated at least thirty two times).