Death to Celebrities!
Competition time again! Interest in serial killers has never been greater with books, newspaper articles, films and all manner of memorabilia appearing - one manufacturer is even planning to bring out a series of ‘Great Mass Murderers’ lunchboxes, flasks and backpacks for kiddies, featuring the likes of Fred West, Jeffrey Dahmer and Dennis Neilsen. Today we’re giving you the chance to become the envy of your friends by winning a genuine body part taken from the notorious Moors Murderess Myra Hindley. By special arrangement with a team of crack grave-robbers, we have obtained her skull, brain, heart, right hand and left foot, and are offering them as prizes in this issue’s fantastic competition!
Imagine, you could be using the brain-pan of one of Britain’s most reviled killers as an ashtray! Or you could have the chance to examine the warped brain that masterminded some of this country’s most sickening child murders! Or perhaps it is her heart which is the true source of Hindley’s evil. Is it truly black, (actually it is, and shrivelled and decomposed, but you know what we mean)? You can judge by seeing it yourself! Feel the thrill of caressing yourself with one of the hands that committed brutal child killings! Wonder at the foot that undoubtedly stamped down the earth over her victims’ graves!
All you have to do to win one of these fabulous artefacts is tell us which minor celebrity from the list below most deserves to be murdered by a serial killer, and then arrange the rest of the names into the correct order in which they should subsequently be horribly killed! The first five answers matching that of our expert, (condemned US killer Dick Lance, the ‘Meat Cleaver Maniac’ of Old Baltimore, responsible for at least seven dismemberments), will each receive one of Myra Hindley’s body parts! All will be delivered with a complementary jar of formaldehyde.
The list of potential victims (in random order) is as follows:
a) Paris Hilton
b) Danny Baker
c) David Hasslehoff
d) Jeremy Kyle
e) Perez Hilton
f) Anthea Turner
g) Pamela Anderson
Imagine, you could be using the brain-pan of one of Britain’s most reviled killers as an ashtray! Or you could have the chance to examine the warped brain that masterminded some of this country’s most sickening child murders! Or perhaps it is her heart which is the true source of Hindley’s evil. Is it truly black, (actually it is, and shrivelled and decomposed, but you know what we mean)? You can judge by seeing it yourself! Feel the thrill of caressing yourself with one of the hands that committed brutal child killings! Wonder at the foot that undoubtedly stamped down the earth over her victims’ graves!
All you have to do to win one of these fabulous artefacts is tell us which minor celebrity from the list below most deserves to be murdered by a serial killer, and then arrange the rest of the names into the correct order in which they should subsequently be horribly killed! The first five answers matching that of our expert, (condemned US killer Dick Lance, the ‘Meat Cleaver Maniac’ of Old Baltimore, responsible for at least seven dismemberments), will each receive one of Myra Hindley’s body parts! All will be delivered with a complementary jar of formaldehyde.
The list of potential victims (in random order) is as follows:
a) Paris Hilton
b) Danny Baker
c) David Hasslehoff
d) Jeremy Kyle
e) Perez Hilton
f) Anthea Turner
g) Pamela Anderson
Labels: Celebrity Cretins, Satire
posted by Doc Sleaze at
9:23 pm
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