Just Say No to Newspaper Columnists

Having dealt with my hatred of the world of celebrity in my most recently published editorial over at The Sleaze, I thought I'd continue in the same vein and give an airing to another of my current pet hates - bloody journalists. To be precise, it is really columnists, the cream of the crap in the journalistic world, who have really been irritating of late. Don't misunderstand me - it isn't any specific columnists, or any particular subject any of them have pontificated about recently which have gotten my goat. No, it's just the whole concept of columnists which has annoyed me. It's this whole idea that they're actually experts on whatever they're writing about, that their opinion is any more valuable than that of any of their readers. It's the absolute certainty with which they write, putting forth their opinions as if they are facts, using the fact that they have a captive audience who can't answer back directly, to bulldoze their message across. Ultimately, it comes down to the fact that they seem so damn sure of themselves, when, in reality, they know no more than I do. Indeed, in many cases, they know even less than I do, ( a fact which is painfully obvious when they decide to write something on one my specialist subjects). Their TV equivalents are even worse - far more ignorant, interested only in catchy sound bites and unsubtly ramming home every point with meaningless graphics.

However, I have grown tired with being told what to think by pillocks on a daily basis. Consequently, I've decided to start saying 'No' to columnists. It's really easy and very liberating. When you next come upon one of those opinion pieces in your newspaper, just say out loud: "No, I don't agree with you. I'm sorry, but I think that my opinion on this matter is just as valid as yours, even though I don't have access to national newspaper in order to promulgate it." If you read a bit further and they're still irritating you, just declare: "No, I think you are completely wrong, and I don't have to listen to you." As I say, it is a very liberating experience. After a while, you realise that you can safely ignore the columnists in a national newspaper, that you just skip on past their columns and instead formulate your own opinions based on the actual news reported elsewhere in the paper. Trust me, it's great! Clearly I'm not the only person irritated by columnists - just look at the reader's comments to their columns on the average newspaper's website. Only today, someone wrote into The Guardian complaining about how rude and vitriolic posters on the paper's 'Comment is Free' section of their website when responding to columnists. Now, while I generally don't condone the kind of moronic swear-fests which usually pass for debate on message boards, in this case I do have some sympathy. Is it any wonder readers resort to abuse in the face of the pompous pillocks who are allowed to air their opinions in newspapers, completely unchallenged? Nevertheless, whilst sympathising with their feelings of impotence, I really do think they would be better advised to adopt my approach - just assert the validity of your own opinions and ignore the bastards. With any luck they'll get the message and piss off...