Bring Back British Breeders

As it is all down to declining birth rates and an ageing population that we in the UK - and Europe, generally - need to have so many immigrant workers, you'd think that Nigel Farage would capitalise on this to try and propose a new policy that might be popular.  'Bring Back British Breeders' could be the new slogan as he and his merry crew of maladjusted pound shop fascists at Reform UK urge Britons to shag more.  Yes, indeed, that could be the new policy: 'Bonk for Britain' with Farage advocating more sex, perhaps even introducing weekly quotas for making love, accompanied by severe restrictions on the availability of contraceptives.  Because, obviously, this sex drive isn't about pleasure, but rather producing more babies - British babies.  Of course, if such a policy was to have any chance of succeeding in replenishing the ranks of true Brits, then there would also have to be measures introduced to ensure that the right people were having more sex.  For one thing, there could be compulsory contraception introduced for immigrants, Brits in mixed race relationships and non-white people in general - maybe there could be a 'colour chart' introduced for retailers of contraceptives to check the eligibility of those having them dispensed: the darker you are, the more you get.  

Of course, for such a policy to have maximum effect, heterosexual intercourse would have to be made compulsory and any form of same sex relationship outlawed - you can't have all that effort and semen being wasted on sexual activities that aren't going to produce babies.  Similarly, male masturbation will have to be closely monitored - if you want to knock one out then you'll have to do it into a test tube, which will then be sent off to a sperm bank.  Now, you ask, why would you need sperm banks if sex was made compulsory?  Well, let's not forget those lesbians who can no longer have sex with other women - well, if they refuse to 'convert', then you could have compulsory insemination.  Which would also be the case for chronically ugly women unable to attract a man.  Yes, I know this all sounds offensive, but that's Reform's trademark - normalising what initially seems unacceptable and turning it into policy.  Anyway, getting back to the policy proposal, to ensure maximum productivity, perhaps Farage might consider legalising polygamy.  Or maybe just encouraging everyone to do what hypocritical extreme right politicians do and simply have a dozen or so mistresses on shagging terms.  Maybe single women could be rounded up and put in 'Love camps', where they can be 'serviced' by members of the Reform UK youth wing.  You see, the possibilities are endless and I'll certainly be sending this policy initiative to Nigel Farage himself - I mean, a man prepared to exploit a murder in order to whip up racial hatred, division and social unrest would surely jump at the chance to embrace something that combines misogyny, racism, homophobia and ignorance in one package, would he?