Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Rage Against the Seasonal Number One

I finally remembered what else I was going to write about yesterday before I went off on one about the snow. The race for the Christmas number one. Whilst, as a matter of principle, I'm glad that Simon Cowell's latest puppet, with their bland and soulless single, didn't win the race, I can't say that I much like the Rage Against the Machine single, either. It just doesn't sound like a Christmas single. There's no mention of Christmas in it, for instance. Not that mentioning the festive season is essential, of course. When Cowell tried to argue that he was doing us all a favour by serving up a plastic turkey to head up the charts every Christmas, he condemned previous Christmas number ones, such as Mr Blobby, Bob the Builder and Cliff Richard as being awful. I think he rather misses the point of festive chart-toppers. They're not about quality, they're about novelty.

Christmas is meant to be about warmth, joy and surprises. People like their chart-toppers over the season to reflect this. It's that feel good factor they're after. (Although there are exceptions, like 'Mad World' a few years ago, which shouldered The Darkness aside to steal the number one spot). Hence the popularity of novelty songs by TV characters, sentimental cobblers from Sir Cliff and/or children's choirs, or glam rock anthems from Slade and Wizard. That's perhaps why Cowell's had a good run with his X-Factor winners for the past few Christmases - it was the feel good factor of some unknown finally fulfilling their dreams. But it is clear that the record buying public have finally had enough. There's just so many times this corporate bastard can annex Christmas for his sales campaigns. Clearly, we need to build on this year's victory, and start planning for next year. We need a good traditional really crap novelty song lined up to take on Cowell next Christmas. Maybe it could finally be the turn of that sad bastard 'Mr Christmas' to have a seasonal hit. He's been trying long enough. You never know, if he achieved it, perhaps he'd finally give up celebrating Christmas every day and seek therapy instead. If that isn't incentive enough to buy a single - irritating Simon Cowell and solving someone's long-standing mental health issues - I don't know what is!

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