Deck the Halls...

There's no doubt that we've gone somewhat Christmas-crazy around here over the past couple of weeks. Despite my usual ambivalence to the festive season, this year it has proven to be a powerful creative spur for me. Having, in an earlier post, moaned that I'd run out of ideas for Santa-themed stories, my subconscious clearly decided to prove me wrong and I've subsequently come up with several new angles. And there's more to come! Still, our over-the-top seasonal celebrations might act as a counter-balance to the lack of Christmas cheer I'm seeing in the 'real' world. I was hoping to compile a film of some of the worst and most extravagant of the displays of external Christmas lights we see blighting houses around these parts. However, so far this year there just haven't been that many in evidence. Perhaps it's the recession and soaring electricity prices, or maybe there's just been a mass outbreak of good taste, but this Christmas it's looking pretty tame. The other thing holding this project back is the lack of a suitable camera-mount for my car. (You have to keep moving whilst filming stuff these days, or risk being arrested for terror-related activities).

So piss poor have the light displays been, that I'm even considering putting up my own. Besides, I like to be contrary, so if external Christmas lights are no longer fashionable, then I definitely want some of my own! Not only that, but I want to avoid the Christmas decoration fiasco of last year, when Big Sleazy got me involved in stealing that Christmas tree. Mind you, I've already run into some difficulties. Apparently there have been some complaints about the fact that my external lights form the words 'Merry Fuckmas', and the council is threatening t take out an ASBO against me. I'm hoping that my recreation of the nativity scenes using blow up sex dolls, featuring the 'Three Queens' bearing gifts of a dildo, vibrator and cock ring, which I'm planning to mount on my roof, will prove more acceptable. If not, I'll just have to resort to that giant Santa who drops his trousers and farts out artificial snow - how could anybody object to that?