Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Christmas at the OK Corral?

I've undoubtedly mentioned before my antipathy towards office Christmas parties - I attended one in 1988 and that put me off for life. It was my first and only such occasion. I've avoided the bloody things ever since. A friend of mine was recently trying to convince me that they were great for casual sex, as everyone is so pissed their inhibitions melt away. Which is all very well, but he's never met the people I work with. Anyway, regardless of the fact that I've never been to an office Christmas party in all my time with my current employer, every bloody year I get a sodding e-mail (usually in July), canvassing me as to what sort of 'do' we should have this year. It seems to be impossible to get removed from that distribution list. Getting back to the point, it appears that simply having a seasonal get-together is no longer enough - the e-mails always outline various alternative 'themes' offered by the favoured venue. You know the sort of thing: 1920s gangsters, circus freaks or S&M dungeons. For God's sake, whatever happened to having a Christmas theme for your festive party?

But, getting to the point, the past couple of weeks when I've been driving down to see my mother on a Sunday, I've noticed some of those temporary AA road signs on the road out of time, directing people to 'Christmas at the OK Corral'. The mind boggles! It is hard to think of a less fitting theme for a Christmas party, corporate or otherwise, than the most famous gunfight in the history of the west. For a start, if memory serves me correctly, the actual gunfight took place in October, not at bloody Christmas! Pedantry aside, how exactly can men with handle bar moustaches shooting up a bunch of cattle rustlers be considered in any way festive? It hardly encompasses the spirit of goodwill to all men, now does it? I'm also somewhat confused as to how it works - do the party goers enjoy their Christmas meal whilst watching the bloody shoot-out being re-enacted by the staff? I must say that I wouldn't fancy having a waiter in the guise of Doc Holliday - the man was riddled with TB and forever coughing up blood. That's hardly hygienic, is it? Perhaps the re-enactment is conducted in a family-friendly festive way - Billy Clanton is felled with a mince pie to the gut, but not before he wings Morgan Earp with some spray-on cream. Doubtless, Wyatt Earp will bring down Tom and Frank McClowery with an expertly thrown fully basted turkey, whilst Doc gets Ike Clanton with a blast of sawn-off sausage rolls. If it's a success then next year they could do the Battle of Little Big Horn, with enthralled party goers witnessing General Custer and his troops massacred by Crazy Horse and his braves hurling flaming Christmas puddings...

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