Whose is the Biggest?

Here at Sleaze Diary we like to be even handed. So, after the obvious sexism of a recent cmpetition in which we asked “Which Spice Girl is your Masturbatory Fantasy” we've decided to present something for the ladies - whose todger is biggest? As we all know, the late Errol Flynn was prodigiously endowed and sometimes used his schlonger to play golf (see last month’s issue), snooker and, on occasion, hockey. Indeed, so enormous was his old man, that whenever Flynn had an erection the rush of blood to his nether regions caused him to faint. Errol’s rigid digit was so prominent that Bette Davis once suggested that it should have a red flashing light on top as a warning to low-flying aircraft. In an on-set joke in 1938, Flynn practiced the famous sword fight in The Adventures of Robin Hood using his banging stick, whilst Basil Rathbone used his huge nose.

But how do today’s stars match up in the meat flute department? Are the rumours true? Is big screen hard man Arnold Schwarzeneger really hung like a gnat? Does he carry all those big guns just to compensate for his short-comings in the trouser snake department? On the other hand, is smooth grey-haired romeo Richard Gere’s knob so big its like a baby’s arm hanging out of the pram? What about John Travolta - beef bayonet or pork sword? Is Mel Gibson’s lethal weapon a mutton musket or merely a trouser mauser? Is Bruce Willis packing a bacon bazooka, or did Demi Moore leave him because he could only muster a snub-nosed porridge gun? And is his ramrod circumcised to match his bald head? Let’s not forget our continental cousins. What about French hunk Gerard Depardieu - trouser trout or tiddler? Does ice cool bisexual heart-throb Alain Delon resort to metric measurements because ten centimetres sounds better than four inches? Send us your opinions on who has the biggest (and smallest) whangers so we can publish the definitive guide. Even better, if you’ve got photographic proof - send it in! Remember, its all in the public interest!