A Match Made in Heaven?

Gable and Lombard, Bogart and Bacall, Sid James and Barbara Windsor - the list of celebrity couples is endless. Loved by the press, adored by the public,; there’s nothing like a celebrity romance to set the pulses racing. However, as Liz Hurley and Hugh Grant found, it can all so easily go wrong and turn into a nightmare. Whilst it took Hugh and Liz more than ten years to decide that their relationship was all wrong, some celebrity couplings are obviously a nightmare from the outset. Take sad middle-aged game show host and self-styled impressionist Les Dennis and gorgeous young blonde bint Amanda Holden. I mean, was anybody really surprised that she sought solace in the arms of Neil Morrissey rather than Russ Abbot’s one-time straight man? Its like Mel Gibson once said, there’s nothing more stomach churning than the sight of an attractive young woman being pawed by some sad old man, or words to that effect. Which brings us to Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones. Jesus! What a dirty old man he is - and I’m motivated solely by envy when I say that. So, the question we’re posing is this - what celebrity coupling would really churn your stomach?

What if rotund Radio One DJ Chris Moyles was to get it on with ginger tosser Chris Evans? Would the thought of all those wobbling buttocks and red pubes going at it hammer and tongs have you heaving up your lunch? Or perhaps the notion of Sir Jimmy Saville and the Queen grappling on the back seat of a Royal Daimler might have you chucking your cookies? Perhaps former wrestler Sir Jimmy could try some of those submission holds which involve him sitting on her face? How about sleazy Hollywood legend Jack Nicholson playing tonsil hockey with Leonardo Di Caprio - would the thought of that make your passion wilt, eh? Maybe sex-siren Sharon Stone strapping on a dildo and making like a bull-dyke with Sandra Bullock? Arch scientologist and superstar fat-boy John Travolta giving American gigolo Richard Gere one up the Gary Glitter whilst wearing a condom made from pure gerbil fur? No doubt you have your own ideas, so drop us a line and let us know which celebrity coupling you definitely wouldn’t pay good money to see an under the counter video of. We won’t be awarding any prizes for the one which makes us honk till we hurt, but if we feel like it we might publish he top ten, somewhen - maybe.