The Nation's Sweethearts?

More proof, as if it was needed, that I'm completely out of touch, is the fact that Britain's most loved celebrities are apparently Cheryl Cole and Nick Knowles. Personally, I can't stand either of them. Indeed, I've made my feelings about Nick Knowles clear in these pages before. If I could have been certain it was him I saw walking down my street a couple of years ago, I would have lumped him one. If you see him walking down your street, please feel free to smack him in the face for me. The source of my animosity towards Knowles is pretty straightforward - he represents epitome of modern micro-celebrity, in that it is impossible to pin down exactly what he's famous for. To be sure, he thinks that he's a very talented bloke, but there's little objective evidence to back this up. I remember him when he was a reporter on my local ITV news programme. He was pretty mediocre. I've seen nothing to indicate that his presenting skills have improved. Not that this lack of talent prevents TV producers from continually putting him on our screens. Just lately, he's been elevated to the status of a saint after helping a woman in a car accidents. Not that he actually risked life and limb rescuing anyone, despite the impression the press tried to give. No, he was driving by and simply stopped to offer assistance, but what the Hell, he'll still probably get a medal for it and is now beyond criticism.

Cheryl Cole's elevation to sainthood is even more difficult to account for - she hasn't even slowed down at an accident scene, let alone actually helped anyone, as far as I know. Now, I won't deny that she's more talented than Nick Knowles (so does a garden rake, though) - her entire fame is based around being part of a girl group who perform various catchy three minute pop tunes in skimpy costumes. To be fair, the numbers written for Girls Aloud are very catchy, but none of that makes you a saint. Then, of course, she's been a judge on the X-Factor, where she cries a lot, but Sharon Osbourne was never feted the way Cole has been. Oh, I almost forgot, her husband cheated on her and she's written an autobiography telling us what a tough life she's had. But these are hardly unique experiences. Indeed, the things I remember Cheryl Cole for most certainly wouldn't attain her a sainthood. Despite the media's concerted attempt to airbrush anything about her past which doesn't put Cole in a favourable light, some of us remember very clearly her conviction for assaulting a low paid toilet attendant in a night club. Some of us also remember that it was her that started that very public slanging match with Lily Allen, despite the attempts of Cole and her bandmates to make themselves out to be the injured parties - the classic tactics of a bully. But hey, what the heck do I know? Like I said before, I'm obviously completely out of touch. Cheryl Cole and Nick Knowles are obviously saints and therefore beyond reproach!