Royal Doping Scandal (Part Three)
Top Royal-watcher Hugh Ropley Tossington has sensationally claimed in his latest book that various members of the Royal family have been drugged to avoid them causing embarrassment at official functions with their outrageous behaviour:
Despite the flamboyant antics of Princess Margaret and the Duke of Edinburgh, it is the Queen Mother who emerges from Ropley-Tossington’s unfounded speculations as the chief joker in the Royal pack. Her genteel grandmotherly image belies her true nature as a party-loving bon-vivant and hell-raiser. Following the death of her husband, the Queen Mother was seen with a string of celebrities, including Errol Flynn, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix and Keith Moon, all of whom subsequently died in mysterious circumstances. All were captivated by her natural charm, with Hendrix (who, in 1970, allegedly choked to death in his hotel room after drinking his own urine), famously describing her in a “Melody Maker” interview as being “a sex goddess in surgical stockings”. Errol Flynn, who met the Queen Mother at one of Princess Margaret’s poker sessions, was particularly taken with her. The hugely endowed movie star (who could make love to a woman whilst standing in the next room - and once used this ability to get Robert Mitchum slapped by an unsuspecting Marilyn Monroe), was famously involved in a drunken game of golf with her at Windsor Castle, during which he used his member as a five iron - scoring a hole in one.
Indeed, it was the Queen Mother’s love of high jinks and practical jokes that eventually led to the doping decision. The final straws were the 1987 state banquet where she goosed the Brazilian Foreign Minister with her false teeth and performed her party trick of blowing smoke-rings from her arse, and the 1989 Remembrance Day incident when she broke the two minutes silence by farting the Last Post. Despite the doping decision, Ropley-Tossington believes that a new generation of Royals are set to continue the madcap traditions of the House of Windsor, claiming that the Windsor Castle fire was the result of a fart-lighting contest between Prince Charles and Prince Andrew. Official reaction to the new book has been hostile, with official spokesmen describing it as “ludicrous”, “baseless speculation” and “lies”. Ropley-Tossington has made no reply to these claims or other allegations that he has simply made it all up.
Muck House: Inside the Fun Palace will be published by LittleDick Books in June, price £14.95.
Despite the flamboyant antics of Princess Margaret and the Duke of Edinburgh, it is the Queen Mother who emerges from Ropley-Tossington’s unfounded speculations as the chief joker in the Royal pack. Her genteel grandmotherly image belies her true nature as a party-loving bon-vivant and hell-raiser. Following the death of her husband, the Queen Mother was seen with a string of celebrities, including Errol Flynn, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix and Keith Moon, all of whom subsequently died in mysterious circumstances. All were captivated by her natural charm, with Hendrix (who, in 1970, allegedly choked to death in his hotel room after drinking his own urine), famously describing her in a “Melody Maker” interview as being “a sex goddess in surgical stockings”. Errol Flynn, who met the Queen Mother at one of Princess Margaret’s poker sessions, was particularly taken with her. The hugely endowed movie star (who could make love to a woman whilst standing in the next room - and once used this ability to get Robert Mitchum slapped by an unsuspecting Marilyn Monroe), was famously involved in a drunken game of golf with her at Windsor Castle, during which he used his member as a five iron - scoring a hole in one.
Indeed, it was the Queen Mother’s love of high jinks and practical jokes that eventually led to the doping decision. The final straws were the 1987 state banquet where she goosed the Brazilian Foreign Minister with her false teeth and performed her party trick of blowing smoke-rings from her arse, and the 1989 Remembrance Day incident when she broke the two minutes silence by farting the Last Post. Despite the doping decision, Ropley-Tossington believes that a new generation of Royals are set to continue the madcap traditions of the House of Windsor, claiming that the Windsor Castle fire was the result of a fart-lighting contest between Prince Charles and Prince Andrew. Official reaction to the new book has been hostile, with official spokesmen describing it as “ludicrous”, “baseless speculation” and “lies”. Ropley-Tossington has made no reply to these claims or other allegations that he has simply made it all up.
Muck House: Inside the Fun Palace will be published by LittleDick Books in June, price £14.95.
Labels: Satire
posted by Doc Sleaze at
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