Belting Up

When did belts cease to be simply devices designed to hold one's trousers up? I only ask because I've been having a lot of trouble with belts lately. Not because of my girth, I hasten to add (although I don't deny that I could do with losing some weight). A few months ago an old and trusted belt, which had held up many a pair of trousers for me, finally gave up the ghost and broke. Naturally, I replaced it, deciding that, in the interests of longevity, I'd go for a thicker, sturdier looking leather belt this time. It barely lasted a couple of months. Within days of pressing it into action, the areas around the sprocket hoes (is that the right word, or should it be 'eyes'?) were deforming. Within a couple of weeks the veneer was beginning to flake off of the belt's surface. Finally, the buckle broke. It turned out that, instead of being cast in one piece for strength, it had been soldered together from two separate pieces, which had come apart.

Desperate for some means to prevent my trousers from ending up around my ankles (something that should only happen in the privacy of one's own home whilst perusing pornography - or so I'm told), I rushed to Primark (the closest clothes retailer at the time) and obtained a 'belt' for the princely sum of £1.50. Not surprisingly, it lasted barely twenty four hours before the buckle broke. My complaints about both items have been met with bemusement. Apparently, in both cases, I was misusing said items, in that I was trying to hold my trousers up with them. This was not their function. Belts, it seems, are now fashion accessories. The fact that they go around your waist is purely incidental. They are not designed to be bucked up tightly or bear any weight. Jesus! Who the hell wears a belt, an ordinary black leather belt, as a fashion accessory, for God's sake? Actually, I do know - women of a certain age. A young lady of my acquaintance wears such things. But hell, that's a girl thing - I was buying men's belts! Trust me, my friend certainly wouldn't wear one of those as a fashion item. Besides, everybody knows that blokes belts are solely for holding trousers up, (and occasionally holding together the exhaust pipes of 1978 Chevy Camaros, but that's another story). But no, nobody seemed willing to sell me a belt designed for such purposes. I was seriously considering using a piece of string instead, when I finally hit upon the idea of buying a belt that looked like a fashion item, rather than a trouser holder upper, in the hope that it would be better made. Thankfully, the current belt - a fabric item with metal reinforced eyelets (I think that's the right term) and cast one-piece buckle, is proving very durable. As well as, apparently, looking fashionable. Hopefully, my belt troubles are behind me...