Prince Philip's Sexy TV

I was confused by one of those poorly-worded headlines again over the weekend. This time it was along the lines of 'Prince criticises complicated TV sets'. Naturally, I assumed that it was about Prince Charles, who had finally flipped completely and had extended his criticism of modern architecture to the sets used in TV dramas. Doubtless, I thought, he's complaining that they are all hideous carbuncles on our screens, their design having been influenced by modernist designs rather than classical architecture. Maybe he's demanding the BBC return the Tardis console room in Doctor Who to its 'classic' early 1970s design, and asking for more Doric columns in Holby City. But no, I was wrong. The sory turned out to be about his father. Apparently Prince Philip has been having trouble with his new widescreen HD-ready plasma TV.

According to His Highness, modern televisions are so complex that you 'virtually have to make love to them to get them to work'. Now, I'd dearly love to know exactly what make and model the Duke of Edinburgh has in the Royal living room, as my old Bush widescreen has never asked for sexual favours in return for changing channels. Perhaps he's been getting the wrong idea whilst watching those Babestaion-type channels - you are meant to phone the girls, not try and shag them through the scart socket, Phil. Then again, maybe he's lost the remote and has such a large knob that he changes channels with that instead. Without having to get up from the sofa, presumably. But really, bearing in mind that the Royal household undoubtedly has a whole phalanx of flunkies whose job it is to tune the bloody set in, change channels and adjust the brightness, I don't really know what his problem is in dealing with TVs. As my late father (who used to repair TV sets for Radio Rentals), if in doubt, just kick the bloody thing!