What Colour is Your Urine?

As we enter the season of excessive alcohol consumption, we decided that it was high time we published a handy health guide to help you all gauge your bodies’ fitness for further alcohol abuse. We decided to eschew all of the usual paraphernalia of this sort of thing - calculating your body fat mass, lung capacity, etc.) and instead go for a simpler approach. So, after consulting with top health expert Dr Hans Bonefone, we opted for a colour guide to your urine. Dr Bonefone - a leading authority on diseases of the genito-urinary tract - firmly believes that examination of your urine can provide one of the best guides to the state of your health. “Generally speaking”, he told us. “ A healthy body should produce urine of a light green colour.

However, ailments and other factors can dramatically alter the colour - excessive water consumption can lead to crystal clear urine.” As a rule of thumb, the darker the colour, the more worried you should be. Odour is another important factor. “If it smells rancid when you urinate - contact your doctor immediately”, Bonefone warns. Moreover, regardless of its colour, urine should be clear, any cloudiness should be met with concern - although, for men, it can sometimes simply be the result of not properly discharging the old lamb cannon after a Hand Solo or horizontal jogging session. We present a handy colour chart below. Remember, this should be applied to urine when it is still fresh - not that sample in the beer-bottle you used last night because you were too bladdered to go upstairs for a piss. Also, whilst for men judging the colour during the initial flow is easy, women should bear in mind that when they check in the toilet bowl, the urine will have been diluted by the water, and should make appropriate compensation when consulting the chart.