Saturday, April 14, 2007

I Love it When a Pope Comes Together

I'm not just misreading things in newspapers now, I'm mishearing them, as well. Every time the current Pope has been mentioned on the radio lately, I've completely misunderstood, and thought that they were talking about Dirk Benedict, the former A-Team and Battlestar Galactica star, rather than Pope Benedict. Now, I know that this is due, in part at least, to the fact that I'm often listening to the radio news while I'm still half asleep in the mornings. However, would it really be such an unreasonable idea to have the Face Man as Pontiff? I mean, he has the kind of qualities which would surely be beneficial to a spiritual leader - charismatic, quick witted, can talk his way out of tricky theological conundrums, like legalising abortion. Plus, just look at all the good works he did whilst with the A-Team - hardly a week went by without them helping out some down-trodden community against evil drug dealers, pimps, biker gangs and Nazis, (all of whom were undoubtedly Satanists, atheist or, even worse, Protestants). Also, just like our present Pope he has a shady military background, although in Face's case he can legitimately claim that he was imprisoned for a crime he didn't commit.

So, there you have it. Wouldn't you rather see leather jacketed, cigar chomping Dirk Benedict as Pope rather than some super-annuated ex-Nazi? Surely that's more the image the Roman Catholic church would like to project: virile, gun-toting (though he never shoots anyone fatally) and with a mischievous twinkle in his eye? He could make his buddies BA and Howling Mad Murdock cardinals, and they could go around the world kicking ass for Christ as they depose evil dictators, vanquish non-believers and blow up a few condom factories. He could even initiate the beatification of the late Hannibal Smith, former leader of the A-Team. It wouldn't be difficult to prove his divinity - he performed minor miracles every week on the A-Team. Not least by managing to read those bloody scripts with a relatively straight face. Yep, Pope Dirk Benedict I, that's who we need in the Vatican! Remember, if you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can pray hard enough, maybe you can hire the Vatican Team!

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