Low Intelligence

It is good to see that the authorities in Britain have learned the lessons of the Iraq invasion. I mean, they wouldn't authorise an armed incursion by hundreds of officers into someone else's territory in search of chemical weapons on the basis of a single intelligence report again, now would they? I find it fascinating the way in which this recent alleged anti-terrorist operation in Forest Gate has unfolded into a microcosm of the Iraq business, even down to the Prime Minister using the same justification: "We had to act on this intelligence because if we hadn't and there had been a subsequent terror attack, imagine the public reaction". Heck, that was pretty much what I told the magistrates the other week! "Honestly your Honour, I was acting in the best interests of the local community when I burned down my eighty five year old neighbour's garden shed. I had very reliable information from a bloke down the pub that he was actually running a drug factory from there. Ok, so we now know that the only thing that he was storing there were the gas cylinders for his barbecue, and I know that the resulting explosion destroyed half the street, but it would have been highly irresponsible of me just to dismiss my intelligence as mere drunken ramblings. What if I'd done nothing and it had been a drug factory? Kiddies could have been ODing in the street! Besides, he was a miserable old git and probably a kiddie fiddler on the side anyway, so that fatal heart attack he suffered was really a service to society!" It worked a treat - I got off with a fifty quid fine, a suspended sentence and community service!

To be serious, my septuagenarian mother recently had a terrifying anti-terrorist experience, when armed policemen kicked in her front door and shot the cat, claiming that they had intelligence suggesting that Saddam's missing WMD were hidden in a cupboard in her garage. It turned out that when I'd taken her down to 'Homebase' the other Sunday, some bloke had overheard me telling her that she didn't need to buy any 'Three-in-One' oil for that creaky door, as there was still some of dad's old WD40 in the garage. Hell, I suppose it is an easy mistake to make - WD40, WMD - but obviously the police didn't want to lose face, so they took the can away for 'further tests'. They also arrested the cat, who they claimed had been shot as he lunged at an armed officer, either that or he'd shot himself accidentally whilst going for a pistol he had concealed under his fur. I suppose it's possible - he's always been a bit shifty and used to hang out with that Persian cat from round the corner who was arrested for explosives offences last year. Like Blair said, they can't not act on intelligence from reliable sources...