Comrade Cameron

So, David Cameron reckons the KGB once tried to recruit him. Before we completely dismiss this tale as another desperate attempt to make a Home Counties stockbroker seem even mildly interesting and important, let's look at it in a little more detail. According to Cameron's claims - made on Radio Four's Desert Island Discs - this alleged approach by Soviet intelligence operatives came whilst he was on a gap year between school and university. Apparently he and a friend, whilst staying in the Black Sea resort of Yalta, were approached by two Russian men, who 'interrogated' them about the West. As this apparently took place over dinner - paid for by alleged KGB agents- I can't help but feel that Davey boy misinterpreted the whole thing. I mean. Let's just look at the situation - an English public schoolboy and his 'friend' are lying on the beach in Russia's equivalent to Brighton or San Francisco, and are picked up by two other guys who buy them dinner and 'pump' them for information about the decadent West - isn't this all just some kind of euphemism for what Michael Portillo would call a 'homosexual experience'? What did they actually ask them about - the age of consent in the wicked capitalist world? Whether they felt lucky to live in a society where homosexuality was legal between consenting adults? Did they invite them to a Turkish bath? But not to worry, Cameron claims that he didn't break and tell them anything - not even after three hours of wild bum sex, no doubt. Mind you, being a public schoolboy, he was probably used to that sort of thing.

So, what is Dave trying to tell us really - that he's bi-curious, maybe? Why not just come right out with it? For God's sake, it is nothing to be ashamed of in this enlightened day and age! If you had some kind of gay holiday romance when a teenager, just tell us - don't try and disguise it as some kind of espionage fantasy! What is it about politicians and their sexuality? This KGB nonsense is almost as bad as Lib-Dem MP Mark Oaten's claims that he only weny out with a rent-boy because he was losing his hair. Oh yeah, Mark? And I suppose you thought that he was actually some kind of hair-loss guru and believed him when he told you that urinating on your head was a widely accepted method of encouraging hair growth?

(For purely legal reasons, I'd like to point out that there is no evidence whatsoever that urine can prevent hair loss).