Cool to be a Conservative?

Apparently it is cool to be a conservative again. Frankly, as far as I'm concerned, you might as well say that it is cool to be a cunt. No amount of PR and posturing is ever going to convince me that the current conservative party is anything other than a bunch of knee-jerk reactionary political opportunists, so desperate for power they'll jump on any bandwagon going. Just witness Cameron's most recent attempt to look socially concerned when he decided to condemn the sexualisation of young children by retail chains selling them provocative clothing. Very good, David. Really right on. The trouble is that everyone else had this debate two years ago and most of the retailers concerned have already dropped the clothing ranges in question. You really must get your dentist to invest in some more up to date magazines for his waiting room, David. According to the preposterously titled 'Coolservative' website (no, I'm not going to give them a link), David Cameron has "introduced a modern, progressive, liberal conservative agenda to the Conservative party". Leaving aside the inherent contradiction of being 'liberal conservative', just what does this mean? Just what is this agenda? Could it in any way be related to the disastrous 2005 Conservative Election Manifesto - a shameful document which attempted to play upon the electorate's worst prejudices - of which he was the main author?

The closest Cameron has got to actually espousing any actual policies, is spouting some bollocks about the environment whilst riding on a husky-drawn sled across Norwegian icefields in a photo-opportunity designed to boost his chances in the UK's local elections. This, along with opposing ID cards whilst supporting Blair's crackpot education reforms hardly makes for a modern or progressive agenda, or, indeed, a coherent policy statement. The sad fact is that, no matter how trendy and 'down with the kids' Cameron tries to make himself appear, he is a middle-class suburban stockbroker, from a family of middle-class suburban stockbrokers. In truth, far from being 'radical' or 'progressive', this child of privilege is a tool of the city, bought and paid for by big business and finance. Indeed, it is instructive to look a little more closely at his supposed commitment to the environment - it comes heavily caveated. Whilst he's all for Britain pursuing 'greener' policies, if in power he'd only actually enact such policies where they didn't conflict with Britain's business interests (for 'Britain' read 'Conservative Financial Backers'). Now, I'm afraid the one thing everyone is agreed upon is that environmentally friendly policies will inevitably conflict with business interests. So the truth is that he'll advocate such policies until elected, then drop them on 'patriotic' grounds. Twat.

The fact is that any popularity currently enjoyed by Cameron is overwhelmingly due to the fact that he isn't Tony Blair. For the politically non-aligned he is, at present, a tabula rasa upon which they can project all their expectations. His pronouncements are sufficiently vague that they can be taken as either conservative or liberal by those disaffected from the main parties. However, as soon as he actually starts outlining real policies, the spell is broken - some of those floaters currently drifting in his direction will be alienated. Sooner or later, he is going to have to actually commit himself to some kind of policies - and then we'll see his rue colours: deeply uncool traditional Tory blue. Coolservatives? Cuntservatives, more like!