Pimp My Stroke...

When my brother first saw Tim Westwood on Pimp My Ride UK, he came away convinced that the self-proclaimed 'Big Dog' was a stroke victim. You can see why - the disjointed speech patterns, the halting delivery and the apparently uncoordinated limb movements, all hallmarks of someone recovering from impaired brain functions as the result of a heart attack. All of which left me thinking; perhaps I've misjudged Westwood - all these years I've just thought of him as some kind of sad middle-class tosser trying desperately to be 'hip' by aping the speech and mannerisms of black American rappers. Maybe I should have been feeling sympathy for an obviously sick man bravely trying to return to work after a massive coronary which has left his speech patterns and physical co-ordination seriously impaired. The BBC really should be ashamed of themselves, forcing him to work in his condition, he should clearly still be on sick leave.

Of course, if my brother is wrong, and Westwood isn't a stroke victim, then the only other credible explanation for his bizarre behaviour (listening to rap music, driving hot rods and wearing excessive amounts of gold jewelry) is a mid-life crisis. I just thank God his hair isn't thinning, or he'd be Kerb-crawling around South London in his 'rap-mobile' looking for rent-boys as well. Still, I blame the parents - what kind of example could Westwood's father the Bishop have been setting him? I reckon 'The Big Bish' (as he liked to be called) was obsessed with the idea of being one of those American evangelical black preachers, and probably spent his time imploring his all-white middle class Bristol congregation to 'Praise the Lord!', waving his hands in the air and shouting 'hallelujah!', in between playing 'Great Balls of Fire' on the organ. So there you are, maybe it is all in the genes after all...