Feel, Or No Feel

Yes folks, it's another great idea for a TV show. Actually, it is just a title for a gameshow. I haven't actually worked out what it would be about. I suppose the obvious format would be a variation on Deal, Or No Deal, except that instead of having to guess how much money is in a particular box, contestants have to decide whether to dip their hands into the box and feel what's there. It could be a thousand pounds, or it could be a huge turd. It's all a gamble. Alternatively, there could be a set of boxes with plaster casts of celebrity whangs, buttocks, vaginas and breasts, and the contestants have to guess who they belong to by just feeling them.

Of course, the most extreme version could involve sex pests being put to the ultimate test, with hidden cameras seeing if they can resist groping attractive women on the tube, or in cafes and the like. An agonising choice - should they take the thousand pounds or go for a quick feel? Nipping off to a public toilet to relieve themselves with a quick one off the wrist would result in instant disqualification, unless they've done a deal with the mysterious 'Wanker', who calls them on their mobile and offers them the opportunity for a quick handy shandy before the next temptation rolls up, in exchange for a proportion of their potential prize money. The tension could be cranked up throughout the show, with girls in shorter and shorter skirts bending down right in front of contestants, virtually rubbing their lovely arses in their faces. With Noel Edmonds officiating over the whole thing and asking the crucial question - "Feel, or no feel?" - this could be a real winner.