They Don't Know They're Porn!

According to a recent survey British teenagers are becoming addicted to internet porn. Apparently a large proportion of under-sixteens view on-line pornography at least once a month. Once a month? What the hell is wrong with them? If the internet had been about when I was that age, I'd have been permanently logged on. My hard drive would have burned out as the result of the amount of porn I'd have tried to download! Jesus Christ! It would have been the answer to all of our prayers at that age - dirty pictures of naked women doing rude things delivered directly to the privacy of your bedroom, for free! No having to shuffle around local newsagents trying to look inconspicuous as you attempted to buy a copy of Big and Bouncy or Bum Biter semi-concealed inside a copy of the Nursing Times. Actually, none of us actually had the nerve to buy jazz mags - we had to salvage them from hedgerows where they'd been discarded by older sex-starved perverts.

If we were really lucky, we'd stumble across some other poor sap's stash of porno and misappropriate it for ourselves. Ah, those were the days. How well I remember combing the television schedules for anything that might contain a flash of tit and which I could legitimately get away with watching. Art programmes were always good for that sort of thing. That and serious literary adaptations. Or foreign-language films. If they were speaking French while they got their kit off, it wasn't pornography. Hammer films of that period were usually fruitful - they were going through their lesbian vampire phase. Indeed, Dr Jekyll and Sister Hyde was always one you could get away with watching on the grounds that it was a serious adaptation of a literary classic - except that this time Jekyll turned into the gorgeous Martine Beswick who then took all her clothes off. The lengths we'd go to for a glimpse of a nipple, or a flash of buttocks! Nowadays kids have it on tap, and they only look at it once a month! They don't know they're porn!