What Does Mr Blair Propose Doing About My Horn?

Apparently the government has been surprised by the response to an online petition set up on the Downing Street website. Over a million people have signed the petition calling for the government to scrap road-pricing plans. The petition is part of an experiment in 'e-government' set up by Downing Street last year, and is one of a large number currently running on the site. Cynics have tried to claim that this particular petition's spectacular levels of support is down to the road lobby's ability to mobilise relevant interest groups, and isn't necessarily indicative of wider public opinion. Nevertheless, you've got to admit that a million signatures is pretty damn impressive.

Under this experiment, you can try and petition government via the website on any subject. Well, any subject they think falls within the scope of official policy. Hearing about this on the news, I couldn't help but be reminded of the sketch on Peter Cook and Dudley Moore's Derek and Clive Ad Nauseum where Clive recounts his letter-writing campaign to political leaders, asking them what they're going to do about the fact that he has the horn. Perhaps I should set up one of these petitions saying "We, the undersigned call upon the government to reveal exactly what the fuck it is they propose doing about the raging horn of Clive (currently up on charges of fucking a fireplace). He's had it for three weeks solid now and his knob aches something awful. As a taxpayer surely he's entitled to some relief from Mr Blair?" Somehow, I think they'll claim that people's horns lie outside the scope of government policy. Except, of course, where said horn is possessed by a cabinet minister. In which case he's perfectly entitled to try and quench with the aid of a secretary and an official desk.