Search Terms of Endearment

I've mentioned before that most visitors to The Sleaze seem to arrive there as a result of badly phrased search terms - usually for pornography. Whilst many of these terms are completely moronic - 'my wife naked', for instance - some are merely mystifying. Just lately the term 'sleaze groin' has been bringing a fair amount of traffic my way. I have to concede that I haven't a bloody clue what a 'sleaze groin' is, or why anybody would be searching for it. To be frank, it sounds like a personal hygiene problem to me. Soap, water and the judicious application of a shower head might be the solution. Brian White over at Glossy News reckons that it sounds like 'broken crotch' in broken English. That's such a bizarre phrase in itself I think I'm going to have to find a way of incorporating it into a future story. I'm not sure how, although it does sound like a sporting injury - you could imagine hearing that David Beckham had been ruled out of the England squad after suffering a 'broken crotch' in training - so maybe I'll have to write another sport-themed story.

Another off-kilter search term which has recently caught my eye is 'Olive Oyl masturbation'. Now, it might be that this is a mis-typing of 'olive oil masturbation'. In which case I'd know that it was simply someone looking for advice on the best type of lubrication to avoid a dangerous build-up of friction whilst self-pleasuring. Indeed, I would probably say 'Good for them for going for an environmentally-friendly form of organic lubrication rather than a petroleum-based alternative, which would only increase their carbon footprint'. However, knowing the kind of sad perverts who surf the web, I'm pretty sure that the spelling is correct and that it was some sicko looking for pictures of Popeye's girlfriend wanking. Using his pipe, perhaps. I must apologise for the horrendous image that last remark must have conjured up. Once imagined, it is difficult to forget. Every time you close your eyes you are going to see that skinny cartoon lady shoving a corn cob pipe up her nether regions - which is more than the perv putting that search term into Google found when he visited The Sleaze.