Crap Heap Challenge

I was watching Scrapheap Challenge on Channel Four the other day (it was on right after that edition of Time Team I was talking about in the previous post), and I got to thinking about ways they could make it more interesting. Now, the obvious way would be to have the teams make something a bit more dangerous than jet engines, high pressure hoses or diving bells from the contents of the scrap yard. Personally, I'd like to see them making potentially lethal weapons - for the early rounds they wouldn't have to be sophisticated: swords, lances, cross bows, that sort of thing. Later on you could get them making muskets, cannons, bazookas, even. In fact, you could have one team making a tank, and the others making a bazooka to try and take it out. Actually, that would work in the earlier rounds, just substitute a suit of armour for the tank, and a battle axe for the bazooka. OK, so there's a risk of a few maimings, maybe even a decapitation or two. But hey, it's all in the name of entertainment, so it's alright.

Much as I like this idea, it still seemed a bit too easy - how difficult can it be to build a low-yield nuclear device, or a ballistic missile capable of hitting London (the challenges for the final), when you've got the full resources of a scrap yard at your disposal! Where's the challenge in that? Wouldn't it be even more challenging if they had to build stuff from a heap of crap? Yes, crap. No, I haven't a clue how you'd build a car using only excreta, but it would be fun to watch, wouldn't it? I've also got some ideas for enlivening Time Team. Instead of waiting to be invited to dig somewhere, they should just turn up and start excavating in people's gardens, or farmer's fields or even public parks, and see how far they can get before they're chased off by a shotgun-wielding farmer or householder. Frankly, the sight of Tony Robinson being chased down some Home Counties street by an enraged retired stock broker waving a golf club, would considerably brighten up my Sunday afternoons.