Law and Disorder (Part Two)

Judge Cundy’s embarrassing exploits come hard on the heels of sensational newspaper reports about the conduct of his colleague Judge Berkeley Hunt, who had taken to cross-dressing in court. “We first became suspicious when he told us that he’d got a new wig,” says a Court Service source. “Next thing we knew he was presiding over an attempted murder trial wearing a long blonde woman’s wig - he was flicking his hair back like a model in a shampoo advert all through the opening arguments! It gave a whole new meaning to the term Queen’s Bench!” Judge Hunt claimed that the traditional horsehair wig had been bringing up a rash on his scalp and that the blonde wig was far more comfortable. However, on the second day of the trial the judge turned up in court wearing an off-the-shoulder evening gown, black stockings and high heels. He proceeded to clash with one of the prosecution’s expert witnesses, telling her that her shoes clashed with her skirt and that large women should avoid stripes.

During his summing up he dismissed the evidence of another witness, saying that anyone so totally lacking in basic dress sense couldn’t possibly be trusted. “For far too long British courts have been hidebound by tradition - the wigs and the gowns are archaic and make us seem out of touch,” Judge Hunt later claimed at a disciplinary hearing. “I was merely seeking to put the participants in this case at ease by dressing in a natural and non-intimidating manner.” Politicians have been quick to condemn the judges’ conduct. “Its a bloody disgrace, I blame the permissive society,” says Tory law and order spokesman Harry Johnson. “These judges are a sad reflection of the degenerate society created by the liberal ‘anything goes’ values of the 1960s and 1970s. What we need are more good old-fashioned hanging judges who are not too afraid of the wishy washy human rights lobby to crack down hard on offenders.” Johnson believes that the criminal justice system needs a thorough overhaul and non-custodial forms of punishment, such as public floggings and the stocks, should be brought back. “Its the only way to bring society back from the kind of immoral decadence represented by degenerate judges like Cundy and Hunt,” he says.