The Ex X-Files

As ever, I'm right on the ball here, with my finger on the pulse of current events, so I've finally decided to comment on that topical (two weeks ago, at least) issue of the MoD's so-called 'X-Files'. For those of you who might have been in a descending into a drug-fuelled personal madness for the past few weeks, the Ministry of Defence released a load of its old files which concern UFO reports to the National Archives, making them, for the first time, accessible to the public. Not surprisingly, the press descended upon them, hoping for some revelations. After all, Nick Pope, former MoD civil servant who claimed to have once manned the Ministry's 'UFO desk', has pretty much made a career out of implying that all sorts of things were being covered up. Not surprisingly, the files revealed only the usual collection of vague sightings by lunatics.

Not that it surprised me, of course. Many years ago, I met the then occupant of the so-called 'UFO desk' whilst on a training course. Not only was this individual not Nick Pope, but he explained to me that dealing with UFO reports was actually only a tiny part of his work. According to him, all that he had to do each time a UFO report was sent in, was to send out a standard form letter in reply, thanking the sender for their letter and assuring them that the matter would be looked into. He would then 'file and forget' the report. This had been the standard procedure for years. The fact was that UFO sightings were of no interest to the MoD unless it could be shown that the defence of the realm was being threatened. Now, I don't blame Nick Pope, a subsequent occupant of the post, for trying to make something out of this very minor part of his job - I know how soul-destroyingly boring being an MoD desk officer can be - but don't think you can fool me, my friend. There are no 'X-Files', there never were any 'X-Files' and the MoD doesn't give a toss about UFOs. It certainly doesn't investigate them. You've had a good run, Nick, but the game's up - give it up!