Off the Stroke

I'm afraid that I'm going to have to withdraw my recent challenge for celebrities to sponsor me to whack off due to health worries. Whilst practicing for Hand Relief over the weekend I nearly suffered a coronary. Trust me, experiencing sudden shortness of breath and chest pains while in mid-stroke is no laughing matter. I gamely carried on (albeit at a slower pace) and completed the exercise, but with understandably disappointing results. I spent the rest of the weekend on 'light duties', just looking at mildly naughty pictures, for fear that any sudden erections would divert blood from my vital organs, with dire consequences. I'm at a loss to explain these developments, it wasn't as if I was using hardcore porn as a stimulus or engaging in any extreme masturbatory fantasies at the time - just the regular run-of-the-mill stuff, no bondage, hot wax or buttered buttocks.

Clearly, before I can even think about taking on the Hand Relief challenge, I'm going to have to engage in a fitness programme to ensure that I'm able to perform without risk to my health. I'm obviously going to have to go back to basics, with some mild work outs to lingerie catalogues before working my way up through regular top shelf stuff to hardcore bondage web sites. Pacing is going to be of vital importance, maintaining an even rhythm to ensure endurance. I think posture might have something to do with it as well - I'll have to cut out off the wrist armchair quickies in the sitting position in favour of properly paced hand jiving in the prone position. That should help the blood flow. So, hopefully I should be back to full wanking fitness in a few months, then the challenge can recommence!