More Monstrous Lies

Following the so-called 'earthquake' the other night, I see that there was another monster-related incident covered up by the government less than twenty four hours later. This time it was claimed that there was a 'fire' at a gas terminal in Norfolk. Fire my arse - it was actually a giant octopus attack. They're quite common at this time of year as the octopuses migrate to their spawning grounds in the Mediterranean. Anyway, no sooner had the 'fire' been reported, then it was claimed that it was out and the story vanished from the media. A sure sign of a cover-up, I think you'll agree. It really is about time the government came clean about these monster attacks - it's only a matter of time before somebody in the foreign media defies the embargo on reporting them and publishes pictures of that giant newt attack on Cleethorpes, or that army of radioactive zombies which took over the centre of Nottingham the other Saturday night? After all, the Drudge Report had no qualms about revealing that one of the Royal Princes (I can never remember which one is which) was in Afghanistan.

Actually, I can't help but feel that even that leak was actually part of a cover-up. I mean, was it really coincidence that it broke so soon after the 'earthquake' and the 'fire'? Of course not! It was simply a ploy to divert attention away from the monster attacks. Frankly, I'd have been more impressed if it had been revealed that Prince What's-his-name had been fighting the octopus, but obviously, there's no way they'd ever let him get that close to danger. The Taliban in Afghanistan are a far easier foe to face. So, Mr Brown, I'm calling on you to come clean and reveal the truth about these monster attacks. OK, there might be mass panic as a result, but I think that's preferable to all these lies.