Last of the Hairy Sex Symbols...

Apparently there's hope for me yet in my quest to become an international sex symbol. I'd feared that the advancing years and waistline, combined with my thinning hair had seriously damaged my chances. Yet this week I learned that Lily Allen apparently likes balding older slightly unfit blokes. Even better, she likes men with hairy backs. At last, a young woman with taste. For years, like other naturally hairy men, I've had to suffer the disdain and jibes of the fashionable and beautiful, who are forever denouncing hairy backs as unattractive and a major turn off. Hopefully, now that someone as obviously intelligent, attractive and talented as Ms Allen has come out of the closet as a lover of hirsute men, maybe the tide will turn. I could finally be in demand with the jet set - at long last I could have super models all over me.

Of course, if I hadn't made that New Year's resolution to swear off of romance (those hypothetical super models would just be sex, obviously - probably hypothetical sex, as that's the only type I get these days), I'd be busy e-mailing Ms Allen:

"Dear Lily,

I konw you're a bit weird and your old man scares the shit out of me, but what the hell, I am in possession of a hairy back, thinning locks and I'm well past it. Clearly, we're a match made in heaven, as you are definitely my type. Any woman with a pulse is my type - I'm on the outskirts of desperation city these days...

Your Sincerely
Doc Sleaze"

Sadly, there are probably analarming number of balding, hairy middle aged blokes sending similare-mails to her in all seriousness she announced her predilection for the hirsute male.