Off the Wrist 4

Which Spice Girl does it for you during the old five-knuckle shuffle? That’s what we want to know before the Spice Girls reunion tour finally grinds to a halt. Did their recent triumphant return bring back fond memories of your 1990s self-pleasuring? Is it Sporty, Posh, Scary, or Baby who gives you the best head on your handy shandy? Do they still do it for you? Do you imagine performing sexual gymnastics with lithe Mel C? Are you turned on by the icy aloofness of Posh Spice Victoria Beckham, (who, according to unconfirmed and doubtless completely unfounded football terrace chants, takes it up the bum)? Is the thought of leather-clad dominatrix Mel B tying you to an iron bedstead and giving you a damn good thrashing what gets you through the night? Perhaps you take after Gary Glitter and imagine giving a good hard caning to school uniform clad Emma? Or perhaps it is the thought of Ginger Spice Geri Haliwell giving you a tit-wank with her ample bosom whilst singing her number one hit “Lift Me Up” which gets you to the vinegar stroke every time.

Maybe it wasn’t a Spice Girl you thought of all those years ago of whilst bashing the bishop, maybe it was a three-in-a-bed romp with those naughty Appleton sisters from All Saints. What about the Celtic charms of Irish songstresses B*witched - dressed as nuns! A good seeing to was just what those Catholic girls needed, eh guys? Was it the thought of cavorting naked in a grain-silo with jail-bait Billie which gets you smiling like a wanking Jap? Which current pop totty does it for you nowadays? Maybe you’d like to get down and – quite literally – dirty with Amy Winehouse, or perhaps a spanking session with Girls Aloud gets your wanking spanners working. Whichever pop-totty it is you like to think of when you shake hands with the Devil, let us know. We’ll publish the results in a future post here and find out exactly who is top of the pop-shots! (Actually, don’t let us know, as we don’t give a toss - we’re just after a cheap laugh with this item. Mind you, if you do have any really bizarre masturbatory fantasies involving female pop-stars to share with us....)