The Curse of King Tut

The London exhibition of King Tutankhamen's treasures was bizarrely disrupted when its venue, the Millennium Dome, was stormed by an angry mob waving table lamps. "We wanted to use flaming torches, but the authorities at the Dome refused to let us in with them for health and safety reasons," the mob's organiser, thirty one year old Adele Slaney, later told Sleaze Diary. "And then they weren't going to let us plug the lamps in! For God's sake, we'd paid the full ticket price to get in to the bloody exhibition!" Once inside, the mob rushed toward the boy King's sarcophagus, lamps in hand. Unfortunately, many of the appliances had insufficiently long power leads, causing several of the mob to fall over as their cables became taught. Nevertheless, the remaining members of the mob were sufficiently frightening for the 4,000 year old mummy to leap up out of his sarcophagus and make a break for the exits. "We chased the bastard all the way to the Thames," Slaney gleefully relates. "He was trapped between us and the river - he started pleading, trying to play the sympathy card: 'I'm only nineteen, I was the descendant of a heretic Pharaoh who was struck from the records - is it any wonder I went off the rails?' Ha! Bloody juvenile delinquent, as if cared about his excuses! Eventually he just sank into the mud!"

Slaney claims that she was forced into taking such extraordinary action by the legendary curse of King Tutankhamen, said to afflict anybody who gazes upon his face. "As soon as I read that they were going to reveal his face, I knew there'd be trouble," she claims. "When I finally saw it, a chill went down my spine!" She claims that she saw Tutankhamen's face peering through her bedroom window one night last week. "Those mummies are notorious peeping Toms," she says. "Although you have to admire him - it was very impressive for someone of his age to be able to climb up that drain pipe." According to Slaney, no sooner had Tutankhamen's face vanished from her window, than she found her bedroom filled with a swarm of ladybirds. "It was horrible! They were buzzing and crawling everywhere - I had to suck them up in the vacuum cleaner eventually," she recalls. "I also ran outside with the vacuum cleaner, in the hope that I might be able to catch that bastard mummy. But he was long gone." The ladybirds weren't the only manifestation of the curse, as Slaney soon discovered. "I quickly developed this migraine - it went on for days, no matter what I tried," she says. "So I decided to consult my friend, who is an expert Egyptologist. Well, he's seen a lot of mummy films. Anyway, he reckoned we needed to find the Scroll of Thoth, either that or cut off the mummy's supply of Tana leaves. Failing that, we needed to organise a mob to chase the mummy into a swamp." Slaney found it surprisingly easy to recruit a mob, through the 'Sexually Harassed by a Mummy' group on Facebook. "There's no doubt that things have improved since we drove him into the mud," muses Slaney. "My headache has gone and I won £40 playing internet poker last night. Mind you, I did lose £200 in the process..."