Red for Danger

According to the latest scientific research Neanderthal man probably had red hair. So at last we know the true reason for why we Homo Sapiens wiped the poor bastards out. Even a couple of million years ago we hated gingers. To be honest, I've never really understood the supposed deep-seated hatred of people with ginger hair which we non-gingers are supposed to have. Apart from Chris Evans I can't say that I've got anything against red heads, and in Evans' case it is the fact that he is a twat which makes me hate him, not the fact that he's a ginger tosser. That's purely incidental. But getting back to the matter in hand, just why do we have this supposed aversion to ginger hair? Does it have something to do with our one time rivals, the Neanderthals? Or perhaps it is some ancestral memory of when those ginger hordes of Vikings terrorised large parts of Europe?

Personally, I suspect that it goes back much further than that, that it has to do with protecting the genetic purity of our species. The red hair is clearly the sign of Martian heritage. Think about it - Mars is called the 'Red Planet', why? Well, obviously because its denizens were literally red. Millions of years ago, with their planet dying, they tried to colonise the earth, injecting their genetic material into the primitive ape men they found here. The unaffected, genetically pure primitive men could identify the invading hybrid by their tell-tale red hair. Naturally, they reacted against these gingers, attempting to wipe them out. Of course, in order to help the hybrids establish themselves on a hostile planet, the Martians ensured that they received genes for extreme aggression. Again, the evidence is there, just look at any racial group with a high incidence of red hair: the Vikings - homicidal maniacs; the Scots - psychopathic axe-murderers; the Irish - drunken psychopaths. It all fits. When we victimise gingers, we're just trying to ensure the long-term survival of our race in the face of these vicious invaders.