Fireworks Night

Ah, it's that time of year again when children can legally buy explosive devices over the counter at supermarkets. Of course, I believe that there should be greater restrictions on the sale of fireworks - children under the age of eighteen clearly can't be trusted to use them responsibly and they should only be sold to adults like me. I can devise far more inventive irresponsible uses for them than any child possibly could. Actually, I must admit that this year - despite many tempting offers in local shops - I've refrained from buying any fireworks. I thought that after last year it might be a good idea to keep a low profile - I don't think I could face another court case. Honestly, some people have no sense of humour when comes to rockets in their exhaust pipes...

All of which begs the question - are there any legitimate targets for fireworks? The possibility which immediately springs to mind is the Roman Catholic church. After all, Guy Fawkes Night is, at heart, an anti-Catholic celebration. We burn an effigy of a Catholic terrorist who tried to blow up parliament and assassinate the government as part of a Papist plot. Consequently, I think that Catholic churches should be fair game for firework attacks. I think that anyone caught firing rockets through their stained glass windows, or nailing Catherine Wheels to their doors, or even letting off bangers in the font and panicking the nuns, should be exempt from prosecution, just so long as they do it on 5th November. Obviously, if they do it any other time of year, they're just vandals.