Her Majesty Exposed

Notorious tabloid The Shite has been forced to apologise to the Queen after printing a story implying that she had posed naked for a photographer. "I just asked her to take off her clothes. It was all artistic, nothing kinky like," claimed fifty eight year old Gavin Plood. "I can tell you, she might be eighty one, but she's still a looker. Phwooar!" Amateur photographer Plood said in the article that he paid Her Majesty eighty pounds for the session, which took place in his Hove studio - a room above a derelict shop. "If she'd kept her kit on, it would only have been forty quid - that's the going rate for these sessions," he revealed. According to Plood, the Queen had answered an ad he'd placed in the Brighton and Hove Weekly Pictorial Advertiser for photographic models. "Nobody was surprised as I was when she turned up," he said. "Apparently she needs the cash to pay the builders, or something." The article also claims that Plood met Prince Philip, who had accompanied the Queen to the studio. "He waited outside during the session. Said he'd seen it all before," he chuckled. "I did have a quick drink with them over at my local, before they caught the bus back to London. While Liz was in the pisser, Phil confided to me that she's still a bit of a goer, if you know what I mean!"

The Shite admitted that story was entirely false and, far from stripping for Mr Plood, it was the photographer who disrobed for Her Majesty. "In reality Mr Plood is an obsessive stalker who once broke into Buckingham Palace, and whipped his plonker out in front of the Queen," said a spokesperson. "We knew nothing about it until the police contacted us after an officer recognised Plood's picture in the paper and informed us that he was on the Sex Offenders' Register." The spokesperson added that the story had been bought from Mr Plood in good faith, although, in retrospect, it should have been suspicious when he showed them some of his 'nude' photographs of the Queen. "It's easy to be wise after the event, but at the time it seemed quite credible that Her Majesty might have a firm set of D-cup gazonkas," says the spokesperson. "However, by the time we realised that they were actually pictures from a porn magazine with the Queen's head stuck on them, it was too late. The article had already gone to press." Despite this unfortunate incidentThe Shite is keen to emphasise that sex offenders with potential stories should not be deterred from submitting them to the paper.