Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Seminal Experience

Well, it has finally happened - The Sleaze is now being quoted as an authoritative source. Hell, it was just a matter of time before my humble publication's true worth was recognised and the fundamental truths I disseminate there were recognised. Actually, 'disseminated' is a very apt description in this context. The august publication quoting me is none other than, a site dedicated to promoting 'the health benefits of swallowing the ejaculation of a healthy man'. Apparently this should be done three times a week, or more, in order to gain the benefits of the proteins and vitamins found in human semen. Obviously, as the site is at great pains to emphasise: 'the man must not have STDs (Sexually transmitted disease) or a blood borne contagious disease. He must not have had acute long term exposure to poisons, heavy metals, radiation or intravenous injections'. Also, 'the receiver must not be allergic to semen, sensitive to testosterone or have cancer tumors that could contact concentrated ejaculate (due to prostaglandins)'. Well, you live and learn - I never knew that you could be allergic to spunk. It conjures up some rather alarming images, actually - prostitutes and rent boys spewing up sticky white vomit during blow jobs; or women's vaginas contracting violently during ejaculation.

Anyway, getting back to the point; The Sleaze is actually quoted in the section concerned with 'Sacred Semen', which chronicles the 'History and Spirituality of swallowing semen'. Way down the page in the section concerning Christianity you'll find an old archive story, Unholy Orders, quoted. Of course, this story is pure fiction. Obviously fiction, I've always thought. The bit about the Pope being replaced by an ecclesiastical porn actor to try and modernise the Vatican's image was the giveaway. But maybe I'm mistaken. Maybe there really was a Gospel According to St Fanny, which has been suppressed for centuries. Perhaps Mary Magdalene really did wank Christ off when he was on the cross. Who knows? I won't deny that I would have preferred to have The Sleaze's first recognition as an authoritative source of knowledge come from a more conventional source, the Encyclopedia Britannica, perhaps. But what the heck, beggars can't be choosers. Besides, Sementherapy is still a bloody sight more credible than Wikipedia. Having said that, it still hasn't convinced me as to health benefits of swallowing semen. I think I'll stick to the multi-vitamins.

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