Seasonal Satire

I know, I know, for a confirmed Christmas-hater, I've been discussing various aspects of the season of hypocrisy quite a lot of late. Unfortunately, it is difficult to escape Christmas, even though it is only November. Quite apart from the seasonal bombardment I get from TV adverts and every supermarket I try to shop in, there's the little matter of next month's stories for The Sleaze, at least one of which really needs to have some kind of Christmas-linked theme if I'm to successfully capitalise on the season in traffic terms. In previous years we've had Santa turn white supremacist and reveal his Nazi connections, get chased by Christian fundamentalists objecting to his pagan origins, go on strike in protest at something or other and go on a gun-toting rampage against globalisation. Oh, and let's not forget the time he was accused of terrorism and Donald Rumsfeld threatened to shoot down his sleigh if it entered US airspace. Not surprisingly, I thought that I'd exhausted my stock of Santa-related satire, and that I'd have to look elsewhere for inspiration.

However, thanks to my tortuous mental processes, I think I've come up with a new one: Santa comes out of the closet! Yes indeed, I think this one has potential - the whole business of the way homophobic bigots always try to link homosexuality with peadophilia can be brought in, with parents objecting to Santa 'giving presents' to their kiddies. Is he actually 'grooming' them? I thought perhaps a George Michael angle could be run, with Santa being arrested in a public toilet whilst 'cottaging' (he could even be caught high at the reins of his sleigh, bringing in the drugs angle). I even have a title: 'Jingle All the Gay'. Subtle, eh? Still, before I get to the Christmas story, there's the little matter of two other stories to complete, not to mention a new editorial. Of these, 'Sex Slaves of Downing Street' is part written and should be on the site by the end of the week, whilst 'Queer in the Head' is pretty much completely blocked out in my head. I still haven't a clue what the editorial will be about.

Right, having brought you all up to speed on my future publishing schedule, I'd better get back to writing 'Sex Slaves of Downing Street'!