Clowning Around With Fireworks

Fireworks. Jesus Christ, I've had my bloody fill of them for another year. It isn't because they're potentially dangerous that I'm suddenly against them. I'm all for a bit of recklessness with perfectly legal explosive devices which can be bought over the counter at supermarkets. No, it's just that I've barely been able to get any sleep for the past few days with the bastards round here letting them off every hour of the day and night. Actually, some of the 'warnings' against the abuse of fireworks this year have been priceless, and actually seemed designed to encourage people to use them recklessly. I particularly liked the local TV news story about a travelling clown who'd had his truck cum mobile home attacked with rockets, burning the cab and engine out. The item was meant to elicit sympathy because he and his cronies wouldn't now be able to keep their clowning engagements across the South of England. Frankly, I think whoever was responsible for stopping the red-nosed bastard from going around creeping out kiddies with his unfunny antics deserves a bloody medal! Stop Clowns Now! Blow the bastards up!

I mean, does anybody find these big-shoed, baggy trousered weirdoes funny? Sinister, yes. Funny, definitely not. Indeed, the really creepy thing about the TV item was the way Coco the Clown (or whatever his bloody name was), was interviewed in full make up and red nose. I ask you, your home has just been torched and your livelihood threatened, so what do you do? Dress up like a sodding clown. Oh yes, people are really going to take your plight seriously now, aren't they? What are you trying to tell us? That when you catch the perpetrators you are going to hit them in the face with a custard pie? Actually, something else which bothered me about this whole item was the question of why, when it blew up, didn't the wheels fall off of his truck? I've seen the clown's car at the circus - bits always fall off of it. Clearly, this guy isn't even a competent clown.