Hijab Halloween

Apparently the best-selling Halloween costume this year was the Islamic 'Full Hijab', featuring a face veil. It easily outsold traditional favourites like Frankenstein's Monster, Dracula, The Wolfman and that old stand-by, the Abu Hamza mask and novelty hook-hand. "It shouldn't really come as surprise," opines Professor Bob Mincer of the Streatham Institute of Remedial Studies. "Those crazy Islamic bastards are the biggest bogeymen around these days! Hell, If I opened my door on Halloween to find a bunch of menacing-looking veiled figures clad from head to foot in black, I'd be shitting myself!" Industry insiders gleefully admit that the continuing 'War on Terror' and the consequent demonisation of Muslims has boosted sales. "Donald Rumsfield alone is better value than a multi-million dollar ad campaign", chortles one anonymous source. Inevitably, Muslim leaders have reacted angrily, offended by the association of Islam with both supernatural evil and a pagan festival. "As if it isn't bad enough the police and press scaring everybody into believing that we're out to blow them up, now they'll think we're out top drink their unclean infidel blood as well!" says an indignant Abdul Kakker Bousah, Imam of the Watford Gap Mosque.

Whilst the British tabloid press have dismissed Muslim protests at the costumes, claiming that they are simply "a bit of harmless fun", a darker side to the controversy has begun to emerge. "There have been reports that some Hijab-clad 'Trick or Treaters' have been taking the 'trick' part beyond just throwing eggs at houses," claims Dave Pokey, Assistant Editor of the Daily Tits. "Apparently, after some bloke in Hammersmith told a bunch of them to piss off, one of the little bastards blew himself up on the doorstep!" Pokey is vague as to the source of this story, saying that he thinks he heard from "some guy on the Circle Line", and concedes that the youth might only have stuck a lighted firework through his victim's letterbox. Nevertheless, he has already prepared a front page story for tomorrow's early edition of the paper condemning Islamic suicide 'trick or treaters'. "We've been saying for years that 'trick or treat' was simply a licence for anti-social behaviour and should be banned," he enthuses. "Not only will this give new impetus to our campaign, but it demonises young people, an evil pagan festival and Muslims, all in one story!"