Hell is Still Local TV

I really have got to stop watching local television news programmes - they really do drive me to distraction! The other day I found myself watching a report on my local BBC news magazine about an unfortunate woman who - only hours after the national knife amnesty had ended - had been attacked in the street by a lunatic with a meat cleaver. Luckily, she wasn't badly hurt, but what got me was the way the reporter ended the report with the puzzled-sounding observation that the victim was still in hospital and "she is thought to be traumatised". Well, no shit Sherlock! I mean, why would a little thing like having a meat cleaver swung at your head perturb anyone, eh? The hospital should just have given a cup of sweet tea for the shock, stuck an elastoplast on her wound and sent her home. Of course, there was the implied criticism of the police that if only their knife amnesty had been properly run, then this sort of thing wouldn't have happened. Well, that's the thing about amnesties; they're purely voluntary. Mind you, I'd argue that technically the weapon wasn't really a knife, was it? Whilst a bladed implement, a cleaver is somewhat different from a regular knife - it has a broad, squared off blade and is designed for hacking, rather than stabbing. For all we know, the attacker might have tried to hand it in, but was told he'd have to wait for the cleaver and axe amnesty. I can just see some copper on the front desk consulting his chart of knife silhouettes (which is probably positioned next to the German bomber silhouettes and fish silhouettes (see Battered over on The Sleaze for an explanation of the latter...)), before declining to accept it. Maybe that's why the attacker went on the rampage: frustration at the way his attempts to go straight had been rebuffed.

Getting back to the horrors of local TV, I thought perhaps the ITV local programme would be an improvement. Against my better judgment I watched an item there about the marvels of a new estate in my town which hadn't had a burglary in five years, whilst the neighbouring estate was still 'crime-ridden' with burglaries apparently occurring on an hourly basis. Apparently, it is all down to the much better design of the new estate, which affords would-be burglars far fewer opportunities to strike. Now, aside from the fact that both of these 'estates' are actually parts of the same estate, my first problem with the report was that the new 'estate' hasn't actually existed for five years. Sure, they started building it five years ago, but they didn't start moving people in until three years ago, whilst the bulk of the houses there are probably no more than two years old. Moreover, the Housing association responsible for most of the housing were highly selective in who they relocated there from the older blocks of maisonettes they knocked down to accommodate the new houses and flats. They've concentrated on populating the 'new build' properties with tenants who have a good rent history and no complaints of ant-social behaviour against them. All the 'problem' families (dysfunctional families and individuals with drink, drug and behavioural problems and a poor record for rent arrears) have been reassigned to that older bit of the estate where crime is now rife...

Now, I'm not saying that the design of the new part of the estate hasn't had an effect on the drop in crime rates, but the TV reports complete failure to actually look into the facts of the situation severely weakened their arguments. But what the hell, it gave a great little 'feel good' story for the local news! Perhaps I'm being unfair to local TV. A friend of mine who has digital tells me that he can access all of the BBC's regional programmes. He assures me that the news from Bristol is far more interesting and (purely coincidentally) presented by far more attractive female news readers...