Monday, February 26, 2018

Going Cold Chicken

At long last the likes of the Express and the Mail can heave a sigh of relief - the snow has finally arrived.  After spending all Autumn and Winter trying to terrify us with dire warnings of arctic freezes and blizzards, but with the weather refusing to oblige, with the last gasp of Winter the snow is finally sweeping across the country.  I say 'sweeping', but here in Crapchester all we've had so far are a few flakes this afternoon.  Apparently it is scheduled to arrive in force on Thursday and Friday.  But don't worry, the country is already falling into chaos, with trains cancelled and newscasters spreading panic.  Not that any of this worries me, for once.  One of the good things about being signed off work with a serious illness is that I'm not out on the road in all weathers, having to deal with this sort of stuff.  All I have to deal with is this freezing cold - I really hate having to struggle through days like this when the temperature can't even struggle above freezing.  The cold seeps into your bones, I swear.  It certainly gets into my brain, stopping me from thinking properly.

But things could be worse: at least Kentucky Fried Chicken is open again in Crapchester town centre.  The supplies of chicken have finally got through, although I fear the snow could cause further disruption.  I have to say that last week's 'KFC Crisis' left me bemused and not a little appalled.  I know that these things are often driven by the media and cynically built up to crisis proportions because they make good sensational copy for slow news days, but nonetheless, the level of outrage KFC's lack of chicken seemed to prompt left me shaking my head.  I mean, unless The Colonel's secret ingredient is cocaine, ('It's nose snortin' good'), I honestly cannot fathom why so many people felt so deprived by the fact that they couldn't get their hands on a particular brand of fried chicken.  It wasn't as if other fast food outlets were closed - you could still get your fix of greasy mass produced  fodder elsewhere.  Or, alternatively, you could try cooking your own fried chicken (OK, I know it wouldn't have had the cocaine in the spice - unless you are a dealer - but it probably wouldn't have been far off what KFC serve) - it doesn't just come across the counter of KFC in a bucket.  (For purely legal purposes, I have to add here that, as far as I am aware, the secret ingredient in KFC's recipe isn't cocaine - that's just an amusing aside on my part for comic effect).

I do often despair at how easily the British public can seemingly be whipped up into a panic by the media over the most trivial of things - if it isn'y bad weather it's chicken shortages at KFC.  There is actually a serious story behind the KFC story regarding the logistics of food distribution and the way the models used by the likes of DHL (KFC's new distributor) can so easily be disrupted.  Sadly, though, that isn't likely to sell as many tabloid papers as a story about the UK suffering mass fried chicken withdrawal symptoms.

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