On the Offensive

You know, I really hate being rude to people.  Which is why I rarely am. Sure, I'd like to be rude to some of the more persistent salesmen and charity collectors who either knock on my door or accost me in the street - I certainly think of terribly offensive things I'd like to say to them, but I rarely actually say them out loud.  Indeed,  I'll sometimes warn them if they continue to harass me when I've made it clear - as politely as possible that I'm not interested in whatever it is they are selling - that if they don't desist then they'll force me to be rude to them, something I hate to do.  Having given a reasonable warning, I feel I'm entitled to be rude.  Nevertheless, I'll still feel bad about it later.  The fact is that, in the past, I've been on the receiving end of outbursts of offensiveness whilst doing my job or, indeed, when just trying to mind my own business.  It is unpleasant and completely unnecessary.  It is particularly unpleasant when it happens in public, leaving you feeling humiliated and, to be frank, violated in some way.

But why am I telling you this now?  Well, the fact is that the other night in the pub I was pretty rude to someone and I've been feeling bad about it ever since.  My rudeness didn't take the form of abuse, but rather a put-down, directed at the pub bore who, as usual, was trying to dominate conversation in the lounge bar.  It had the desired effect of shutting him up but, on reflection, I wish that I'd just maintained a dignified silence.  I remember all too well how humiliated I felt when people used to use such snide put downs against me if they thought I was being boring, expressing an opinion they didn't like or just talking about something they didn't understand.  It's really a form of bullying and I'd hate to think that I was turning into a bully.  The worst thing about it all was that, after the local bore had left the bar, I was hailed as some kind of hero by the other drinkers there.  Which just made me feel worse.  When I go to the pub tonight, I think I'll just keep my mouth shut (except when I drink, obviously).