The Exorcism Factor

Thanks to Halloween, October seems to be the new silly season, with the media full of stories about black eyed ghosts, giant crabs, sinister clowns and haunted houses.  Even Simon Cowell, desperate to grab as much publicity for the sinking ship that is the current series of X-Factor, is trying to get in on the act, with reports that he is convinced that his house is haunted and that he is seeking an exorcism.  Haunted, presumably, by the ghosts of former winners who have found that their 'careers' consisted of being chewed up and spat out by Cowell's Syco company, discarded in favour of the next five minute wonder once they'd had a couple of quick hit singles to bolster Syco's coffers.  Or perhaps the restless spirits of artists whose songs have been blighted with appalling cover versions by various Cowell acolytes.  The again, maybe the things going bump in the night have something to do with that picture of himself Cowell has in the attic - the one which shows all his debauchery, decay and corruption, whilst he stays unfeasibly healthy looking and apparently ageless.

Obviously, the big risk for Cowell is that if he hires an exorcist, then it might well be him who ends up exorcised and expelled from his own house.  After all, if that plastic, Tory-supporting, egomaniac on an apparent mission to reduce all popular culture to mediocrity, isn't an evil presence, then I don't know what is.  If we're lucky, he might not just find himself ejected from his own house, but he might find himself exiled to some spiritual limbo.  Reduced, perhaps, to a disembodied voice spitting out pithy words of 'wisdom' to X-Factor contestants on the next edition of the show.  Now, that would be more entertaining than a regular episode: the remaining judges have to hold a séance in order to summon up Cowell for the judging, with furious poltergeist activity accompanying the ejection of one of his acts.  If that doesn't put the ratings up, then nothing will.