Snow Joke

There's nothing like whipping up a bit of a panic, is there? with more snow falling today the media have gone into overdrive, warning everyone of traffic chaos, schools having to be closed and vehicles abandoned. They're clearly hoping for a repeat of the blizzard that struck before Christmas to provide them with some much needed 'news' to pad out their bulletins. As I've mentioned before, I have the misfortune to live at the epicentre of the previous snow chaos (if the media are to be believed), so the local press and TV have been lurking around like vultures, just hoping for a repetition of the gridlocked roads and stranded travellers. Indeed, so successful have they been in stoking up the terror, that by early this evening there were reports that all over the region people had been panic-buying food, obviously fearing that they were about to be snowed in and cut off from the outside world for several weeks.

Not that anyone can blame them. After all, only a couple of weeks ago the media was full of stories of people having to abandon their cars and roam the snow choked wasteland that was once Southern England in search of food and warmth. Desperate and with no apparent hope of rescue, hundreds were forced into cannibalism in order to survive. Several commuters waiting at a bus stop in Reading were eaten by a band of roving sales reps who had been forced to abandon their company cars, for instance. The clear message coming through from the media is that this snow is evil. Yes, evil. Make no mistake, it isn't just some meteorological phenomena, rather it is a sentient being hell bent on disrupting our lives and bringing the human race to its knees. How else can you explain repeated statements along the lines of 'don't think you can beat the snow - it will beat you'? Frankly, I don't know why they don't deploy the army to fight this icy bastard. I want to see squads of soldiers on the streets, firing automatic weapons into the air to shoot down the snow flakes before they can settle on the ground. Perhaps they can shoot a few snowmen while they're about it - those sinister bastards (which seem to appear spontaneously, I've never seen one being built by human hands), are quite clearly waiting until they outnumber us before they launch an assault. But remember - shoot them in the head! That's my take on the weather situation, anyway. I'm just of to apply for a job as a local TV reporter...