Another Crazy Week...

So there you have it, another crazy week in the world of Brown's Britain. First of all they reduce the terror threat level from 'Shit Scared' to 'Oh Fuck', then we get another wave of swine flu panic. Surely it's about time they scrapped the terror alert system in favour of a 'plague of the week' threat status indicator? The most bizarre thing about the reduction in the terror threat level is the fact that the authorities seem to think that anybody is paying any attention to it. Perhaps they think terrorists are and are hoping that they'll abandon any plans for for large-scale attacks if the threat level is reduced - "Damn those infidels! They've reduced it to a level where blowing up buses would be inappropriate! We'll just have to go back to the drawing board and come up with something more modest which will match the current threat level instead!" As for swine flu, well, the government are doing a great job of countering the scaremongering with their advice - apparently women shouldn't even think about conceiving during the pandemic. Are we sure that swine flu hasn't been invented by the Catholic church as a more effective alternative to the rhythm method of contraception?

Of course, what everyone is worried about now is the threat posed to children by swine flu. So naturally, the government decided to increase their security by insisting that everyone visiting schools had to undergo a criminal records check before they could even look at the children - even eminent authors of children's literature. Apparently the likes of Philip Pullman could pose a major threat to our children if we allow him to speak to them without checking whether or not he has any criminal convictions. Whether he is considered to pose a threat because he might be a nonce, he's an atheist, an intellectual, or because he might spread swine flu by traipsing around schools talking to pupils about his books, isn't entirely clear. Particularly not to the government. Whilst it is entirely reasonable to expect full-time staff at schools to be criminally checked, as they have constant contact with pupils, quite what the point of vetting invited visitors - who are also public figures - who will only spend a couple of hours, at best, with the students, is beyond me. I should imagine that there are easier ways for paedophiles to get close to their potential victims than spending years having manuscripts rejected by publishers, before finally, if they're lucky, becoming a best selling author of children's fiction. Like hanging around outside the school gates with a false moustache and a bag of sweets...