Absolutely Not a Football Blog

The world of football has been rocked by claims that, as part of his attempts to lure the Honduran midfielder to the club, Spurs manager Harry Redknapp attempted to strike a deal to secure the release of Wilson Palacios' kidnapped brother. "Harry's the master of wheeling and dealing, he's always prepared to go that extra mile to get a player he really wants, so I wasn't surprised to find that he'd opened negotiations with the kidnappers, with an initial bid of three million quid," alleges top football pundit Jimmy Nobbend in his blog, From the Nobb End. "But they made it clear that they weren't going to budge for less than nine million, and Harry decided that the lad just wasn't worth that much. He reckoned he could secure the release of at least two top quality Iraqi hostages for that price." However, the wily Tottenham boss soon came back with a new proposal - six million pounds, plus striker Darren Bent. "The kidnappers were interested and accepted the bid," says Nobbend, who made over three hundred appearances for Pedigree Chum League outfit Ball's End Road Rovers, mainly in the refreshment kiosk, but occasionally as a substitute grounds keeper. "The move eventually broke down when Palacios' brother couldn't agree personal terms."

Whilst Palacios' move from Wigan to Spurs was eventually completed without the release of his brother, there are fears that Redknapp's negotiating tactics could set a dangerous precedent. "It's only a short step from using kidnapped relatives as bargaining chips in transfer dealings, to clubs actually trying to force players' hands by abducting their relatives themselves," opines Nobbend, who was forced to retire from the game after his feet were scalded by a leaking tea urn. "Even as we speak, Harry Redknapp and Spurs' chairman Daniel Levy could be sticking a sack over Kenwyn Jones' brother's head and bundling him into the back of a Mercedes. Next thing you know, they'll be telling Sunderland to take the six million they're offering or they'll start cutting his fingers off! A million will come off the price for every finger they slice off!" Both Redknapp and Spurs have rejected Nobbend's claims out of hand, with the former Portsmouth and West Ham manager saying, "He's talking bollocks." However, the club refused to comment on press reports that Redknapp had approached the Cuban Communist Party with a part exchange deal which would see David Bentley moving to Havana and top left-winger Fidel Castro coming to White Hart Lane. "Harry clearly reckons Fidel can bring some much needed pace down the left," says Nobbend. "He's clearly the perfect compliment to Lenin, who they've already got on the other flank."