Moose Dick

What could it mean? I asked myself. These mysterious words - 'Moose Dick' - which had appeared, written in the frost and ice on the cars parked along my street last week. Was it some advertising campaign to herald the imminent arrival of some Canadian wrestler who wore antlers as part of his costume - hence the professional name 'Moose' Dick. - perhaps? Then again,I reasoned, maybe the strange symbol scrawled next to these words on some of the cars were a clue: a cigar shape with two roughly spherical objects at one end. Could it be that these words had a literal meaning? Could they really be referring to the genitalia of a large deer-like mammal? If so, why? Had they been written by someone who believed that their own genitalia were akin to those of a moose? Did they write them with said appendage? Indeed, is having a 'moose dick' something to boast about? Not being familiar with the reproductive organs of such creatures, I don't even know whether they are large or small.

Assuming that having a 'moose dick' means possessing a large penis (otherwise why would anybody boast about it?), it still leaves the question of why anybody wishing to boast about such a thing would do so by writing it on the frost on several cars on a quiet residential street? After all, as he didn't sign his work, how are we to know who the owner of this presumably magnificent protuberance is? Perhaps we are supposed to recognise him from the crude illustration he provided to accompany his scrawlings. However, if he wanders about with it on public view, then there surely is no need to announce it on people's cars in this way. No, I really must confess to being mystified as to the motivation of the mysterious 'moose dick'. What did he hope to achieve? Certainly not fame or notoriety, as nobody has a clue as to his identity. If you are going to write things in snow and ice on cars, there should be purpose behind it. I cannot deny that I once wrote in the snow some comments regarding my views on the size of the manhood of the sort of people who drive BMW roadsters on the bonnet of one such vehicle one winter. The key difference was hat I knew whose vehicle it was - it was driven by a neighbour who was making my life hell with their loud music and shagging into the early hours of the morning. (I relied on the fact that he'd never seen my handwriting,so he wouldn't know for sure it was me - nevertheless, I did get some peace and quiet for a few days afterwards). Still, I'm sure it seemed a good idea at the time, when 'moose dick' put his moniker on the cars of complete strangers.