More Strange Stories
More from the wonderful world of local news stories. It seems that in addition to wig-wearing transvestite aliens, the Thames Valley has also seen a spate of animal molestations, with several flocks of sheep being sexually assaulted and a whole herd of cows buggered. Local farmers are convinced that aliens are behind these attacks. “What else could it be?”, ruddy-faced rustic Teddy Poon asked the Wokingham Friday Free Ads. “No normal man would have the stamina to molest an entire herd in only one night. Only a madman would attempt it - or an alien with superhuman sexual powers.” Poon also believes that sinister alien influences may lie behind the recent bizarre behaviour of his dog Rex. “I had to shoot him after I found him attempting to mount the local vicar’s bull mastiff”, he tearfully told the newspaper. “What kind of an evil mind is it that induces homosexuality in innocent animals?”
The idea that aliens are behind these strange phenomena has been reinforced by a series of UFO sightings over Caversham. Local pensioner Mabel Mott has described how she and her husband saw a strange craft hanging in the sky one evening around the time of the cattle molestations. “I’m convinced it was a spaceship - it was the traditional cigar shape, and there was no moon out, or any low flying aircraft around that evening - there’s no other explanation”, the 78-year old explained, as she scoured her false teeth with Vim. “It was pink and glowing”, her equally decrepit husband Percy added. “Also, instead of being horizontal, it seemed to hang at an angle, one end drooping toward the ground.”
Professor Bob Mincer of Balham University - South London’s centre of excellence of for Correspondence Courses - has an alternative explanation for these phenomena. “Its bloody obvious isn’t it? Its sex!”, he bellowed from the bar of a South London pub. “A pink and drooping cigar? Obviously the old boy can’t get it up and his wife isn’t getting a regular rogering - just prescribe him viagra and they’ll be at it so often they won’t have time for UFO sightings! Now piss off and let me finish my bloody pint!”
The idea that aliens are behind these strange phenomena has been reinforced by a series of UFO sightings over Caversham. Local pensioner Mabel Mott has described how she and her husband saw a strange craft hanging in the sky one evening around the time of the cattle molestations. “I’m convinced it was a spaceship - it was the traditional cigar shape, and there was no moon out, or any low flying aircraft around that evening - there’s no other explanation”, the 78-year old explained, as she scoured her false teeth with Vim. “It was pink and glowing”, her equally decrepit husband Percy added. “Also, instead of being horizontal, it seemed to hang at an angle, one end drooping toward the ground.”
Professor Bob Mincer of Balham University - South London’s centre of excellence of for Correspondence Courses - has an alternative explanation for these phenomena. “Its bloody obvious isn’t it? Its sex!”, he bellowed from the bar of a South London pub. “A pink and drooping cigar? Obviously the old boy can’t get it up and his wife isn’t getting a regular rogering - just prescribe him viagra and they’ll be at it so often they won’t have time for UFO sightings! Now piss off and let me finish my bloody pint!”
Labels: Satire, Weird Shit
posted by Doc Sleaze at
11:19 pm
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