Sensory Deprivation

I bumped into a friend I hadn't seen for quite a while today. She told me that she'd been without a phone, internet or TV for five weeks, (thereby explaining why I hadn't heard from her in an age). I must admit, in view of her sensory deprivation over such a lengthy period, she didn't seem too crazy. Indeed, she seemed slightly less certifiable than she usually does, (generally speaking, her lunacy is one of her most appealing features - it was that which persuaded me to adopt her as a surrogate little sister), which was even more surprising when she told me that she'd been listening to Radio Four quite extensively during this period. I've always imagined that being dead was a rather like listening to Radio Four - an eternity of being forced to listen to pretentious middle class tossers droning on about how awful working class life is and how much better off the lower classes would be if only they'd listen to more stultifyingly boring radio plays about death and dinner parties.

Anyway, getting back to the point, it occurred to me that I couldn't actually think of many great TV highlights she might have missed over the past five weeks. OK, I could only actually think of one off the top of my head: the climax of this series of Doctor Who. Apart from that, what has there been? Hours of moronic ejaculations from the televisual masturbation that is Big Brother? Endless coverage of an international football tournament that none of the UK's teams participated in? Celebrity Master Chef? Yet more ITV drama series so dire they've sat on the shelf for three years before being quietly released into the Summer schedules in the hope that all the other dross will make them look good? I realised that most of my TV highlights from this period have been repeats on obscure channels ending in '4'; The Avengers, The Sweeney and most notably, the still excellent Homicide: Life on the Street, (please ITV 4, stop scheduling this in the middle of the night and give it a decent slot). I suppose you could argue that the lunacy that is Bonekickers on the BBC constitutes a highlight, but only if you are a completely unbalanced conspiracy nut. No, I think on balance that my friend has had the better deal, entertainment wise, so far this Summer.