The Battle of my Bathroom

Last year I was left feeling like a Nazi war criminal after using Nippon to kill off an ant's nest in my bathroom. This year the little bastards have turned me into Robert Duvall in Apocalypse Now. Not only have they come back, but they've proven more resistant to insecticides this time. The final straw came for me on Monday when I returned home from work in the evening to find them swarming up around the tap end of the bath. Drastic action was called for, so I grabbed the nearest aerosol can, found a lighter and deployed a makeshift flame thrower, (don't try this at home kids - I'm an expert, I've only ever burned a couple of holes in carpets and set fire to a duvet using this particular form of insect repellent - in untrained hands it could easily lead to the entire house burning down). Hundreds of the little buggers were scythed down as I torched their beach head. I followed this up by washing the bodies and any survivors down the plug hole with the shower attachment.

Now, you'd have thought that turning my bathroom into Vietnam would have been enough to persuade the little bastards that they should cease and desist, and move elsewhere. But apparently not. I came home yesterday to find them at it again. Once more I napalmed, the deluged them, with a repeat performance a couple of hours later when they returned. For the second day running, the ants suffered heavy casualties. Finally, by about ten o'clock they'd given up, and there was no sign of them this morning. However, it appears that victory wasn't mine. This evening, they were back, albeit in reduced numbers. This time they only got the shower treatment. Frankly, I'm amazed that there are enough of them left to keep mounting these operations. Where will it end? Will I have to don mirrored shades and start playing Wagner as I burn them out with a blow torch? Unfortunately, I don't like the smell of napalm - or, in this case, the smell of cheap Asda own brand deodorant - in the morning, evening or any time, in fact. I'm going back to check on them in a couple of hours. It's got to the stage now where I have to ensure there are no survivors - if the ants' master plan ever comes to fruition and they take over, I don't want to be indicted as a war criminal on the basis of their evidence...